Solid piece of work. The main thing that threw me off was the odd usage of facial expressions. For a fairly serious piece, the expressions often seemed overly goofy. I guess it was nice that it didn't feel melodramatic, but it felt like there could be a better middle ground.
Also the ending was a good idea, but its presentation felt more like an afterthought. Maybe it could've been drawn out a little more, to let it sink in?
Overall though, nice job!
Thank you for givin' the time to write a review, It seems that I need to work more in delivering a solid character arc. Story and visually. I love how just about everybody agree on the ending but it was too abrupt. Definitely need some time to sink in more into the character.
Always grateful there are people out there who give me a helping hand. Love feedbacks and you!
Fantastic as usual. It's very interesting that you've been trying this collage-style animation recently, it has an entirely different feel from your hand drawn stuff. It almost lends a sense of realism to the characters, while still remaining an entirely unique and surreal medium (especially given the unreal characters you create).
I'm also impressed by the length and style of this piece, considering how busy you must be with your movie.
Can you tell me, will your movie (The Meadow Man) be done in the same collage style, or in the hand drawn style of most of your work? Thanks for the wonderfully eerie animation as always.
An odd combination of serious and silly. There was a lot of strength in this flash, in the music, the backgrounds, the detailed, stylized drawings of medical equipment, and the general atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. All of these made the flash engaging, both conceptually and artistically. But there was something else that was just off... mostly, it was the way the people were drawn. It seemed too light-hearted, and uncomfortably out of place in the darker, more serious atmosphere. But this was made worse by the occasional spastic and playful moments, which just didn't fit at all. I really do like your style for the most part, you just need to keep your style consistent, in the way you draw your characters and the way you use them. I hope to see more from you.
Great, but not yet Professional..
I enjoyed the writing of this cartoon a lot, and see a lot of potential for it to get picked up (with some talented animators and voice actors on board), but there are a few things I think would need to change. First of all, the references to pokemon and video games, while entirely acceptable in the NG community, would feel very out of place and somewhat childish (sorry, but true) as part of a real network show. Second, while the characters were all around funny (like the alcoholic lions), they all would need a bit more flushing out. I can't help comparing this heavily to Venture Bros. (like you mentioned in your post), and I think just as each VB character, regardless of significance or screen time (the monarch minions pair, etc) has a distinct humor-driven personality, I think each of your minor characters (the lions, even the sidekick monkey, especially his darker friend helping with the suitcase) needs to be more defined. If you, for yourself, were to write extensive character descriptions for each, and then had those more complex characters reflected in the dialogue, it would make the cartoon overall much funnier.
Best of luck getting a crew and getting the show picked up! I think you'll do great.
Wow, I must say... very nice review! One of the best I've seen!
You're right on just about everything. The Nintendo references, much like the characters and dialog, need to be sprinkled into the coming scripts with more taste and specifics in order to make it anywhere past NG.
As far as the characters go, believe this: This pilot was a test of only a handful of the characters that the actual series will premiere. I have re-written the character descriptions and individual hooks for them, and you will be very happy when Episode 1 of Primetime Primate debuts.
Thanks for the review!
welll.. its something
clearly this isn't the most impressive flash. amateur drawings, basic, cliche premise, etc. but i will say you have a decent understanding of shadow, perspective, and overall camera work which the average animator trying to make a flash like this shows no knowledge of. so uh, its decent. the flash could still stand to be improved in, well, everything. but youve got something to start on. right now it seems more like an outline for an actual decent flash. (besides the lack of plot that is.)
ok I will try to improve, its one of my first animations so understand
You really pulled it off... for the most part.
As soon as the main menu, you really established what you seemed to be going for, and I was practically sold already. It definitely has that artsy-fartsy look as you call it, which i totally dug right away. But when I actually watched it, I kind of went back and forth with my opinion, because some parts really stuck to that original idea, and nailed it, while others (ahem, turtleco) kinda killed the mood for me. Especially that thing with the xbox 360... way too.. i dunno materialistic and light hearted i guess. totally lacked the weird, the creepy, the trippy, or the artsy qualities of most of the other parts. i guess you cant really get around the way styles are going to vary in a collab, but having them at least be on the same page is pretty important to me. so i give you a big fat 5 for most of the collab, but a 2 for the inconsistent parts. so thats more or less a 4 overall. aka an 8/10.
I agree with that for the most part, but I though it was cool having everything so different.
I like it. Mostly. Taking a comedic turn on an already pretty absurd (if strangely addictive) show is a good concept to start with. However, you made one fatal mistake: your portrayal of house. while you got the other characters down fairly well (in a comedic way), your house doesnt look anywhere near him, doesnt sound even close to him, and, perhaps most sadly at all, at no points takes advantage of the brooding and mysterious side of house that could be a comedy goldmine. your house is just far too upbeat, fix that and the humor value will go way up.
also, you need a preloader. it just aint right without one.
Way up there on the disappointing scale
The first twenty seconds actually made this look promising. Nicely done art, an intriguing plot (a young guy's experience in the army), I was expecting something pretty interesting. But right away that got bogged down by everything else.
While I thought the initial character design was great, you can't just use the exact same look for every character (and changing the hair doesnt count.) The voices were also pretty similar to each other, maybe work on differentiating your voice acting a bit there, though it was otherwise good.
But worst of all, the pacing was god awful SLOW. Every little moment lasted about five times as long as it needed to, so there were many moments of just dead space. For instance when hes holding up his bag to "defend" himself from the sniper, he just stands there shaking for a solid fifteen seconds until the guy next to him finally chimes in. I feel like you're trying to make a comedic moment there, but it really falls flat. Maybe try working more with the camera, zooming and panning faster and more dramatically to guide the viewer along what you're trying to portray.
And finally, i dont think you can legitimately call it an episode if nothing actually happens in it. Again, it starts off looking as if its going somewhere, but once he lands, its just a string of attempted humor leading to an abrupt, inappropriate ending. By the end I feel like nothings been accomplished, aside from the base transfer which is really just the opening. In fact, when I finally feel like it's picking up some plot, it ends. And might i add, on a truly dumb and pointless ending. i think you're suggesting that the black haired guy is going to be a significant character, but you have to at least give us some reason to care about him if youre going to end it right there. Really, "hi there" is pretty far up there when it comes to dull last lines.
All that said, youre a great artist, a decent animator, and an okay writer. Just make it snappier, quicker, and, well, more interesting, and you should have something truly entertaining on your hands. And maybe get someone else to do the general's(?) voice acting. you can do pubescent kid, not stern superior.
fuck youre awesome
emily.... dear god emily, you.. are.. amazing.
what the fuck was this cartoon about? fuck if i know. you you know what? it was awesome. pure, disgusting, filthy, awesome. and i love it.
i dont understand you. i dont think anyone understands you. i dont know if you understand yourself. but none of that matters, because you rock my world.
this flash was epic in the most brain-bursting way that has ever been conceived. you are officially the shit.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!! FF!!! ;))) ;;) ;))
Wow great story, but really low quality drawings.
I loved the story, very interesting and suspenseful, if perhaps a bit predictable at times. The story went slightly slower than I would've liked, especially since the drawings were extremely lacking, giving the viewer nothing much to look at while waiting for the next scene. Improve on your drawings, and you could be making some amazing flashes. Although I did like Walter's face quite a bit. and thats quite the juicy sound effect at the end. overall, nice job.
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